John Oliver proposed a series of maxims similar to the “never wear white after Labor Day” rule on his latest “Last Week Tonight” web exclusive.
“We should be using more holidays as arbitrary points to stop doing things,” Oliver joked, before fleshing out a humorous list of new holiday rules.
“We should have a rule that, after Thanksgiving, you have to stop decorating your home with gourds,” the host said. “It’s cute in October, it’s acceptable but obnoxiously folksy in November, but after that, you’re just keeping loose produce lying around.”
Oliver then suggested that people stop consuming eggnog on New Year’s Eve, “because if you start your calendar year by consuming a beverage with the density and nutritional value of molten steel, scrap the rest of your resolutions and take care of your f—— nog problem.”
Toward the end of the segment, the host switched from holiday-centric decrees and began prohibiting mundane things like the phrase “That’s interesting,” recommending that people opt to say “Bless you” in its place.
“From now on, when someone tells you a boring story, simply say, ‘Bless you,’ like you were just sneezed on, because that is what hearing about someone’s travel delay feels like,” Oliver said.
HBO’s “Last Week Tonight” returns from summer hiatus on September 25.
Watch the video below: