Bartenders share 13 things they’d love to tell customers but can’t

Bartenders (not pictured) have a lot to say.

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Bartenders (not pictured) have a lot to say.
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Flickr / Tedx Somerville

While you may have the liquid courage to say whatever you want in a bar, there are some things that bartenders just won’t tell you, even if it’s to everyone’s benefit.

So Business Insider asked more than 30 bartenders to weigh in on what they’d love to tell customers but can’t.

We’ve anonymously included some of the more constructive insights here:


‘Please don’t order vodka’

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Stephanie Keith/Reuters

“You’re nice when you stick with beer, but a demon on spirits.”


‘Use cash to pay for a single drink’

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Reuters/Bernadett Szabo

“Running credit cards is more time consuming than a cash transaction, and the tiny tip from one drink is not worth my extra time.”


Proceed ordering mixed drinks with caution

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Unsplash / Michael Discenza

“Almost no restaurants or bars clean their ice machines as regularly as they’re supposed to. “


‘I’m a person — please treat me like one’

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Darren Hauck/Getty Images

“I am not a servant. I am not a potential date. Please don’t take advantage of the fact that I have to treat you in a professional manner. This is my place of employment, not your house. You are the guest here. Please behave like one.”


‘Order everything at once’

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Flickr

“Don’t have me make a margarita, then order your buddy a beer only to realize his girl wanted a margarita, too.”


‘I’d love to tell people just how disgusting they are when they’re eating’

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Matt Cardy/Getty Images

“I hate seeing your chewed up food all over your face while you’re dripping ranch all over the bar top. How messy could you possibly be?”


‘I see you and I will get to you the second I can’

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Thomson Reuters

“I know you have been waiting for a while. If I haven’t taken your order, it is for a good reason. Wait just like everyone else! Everyone wants their drinks asap.”


‘Stop hitting on your bartender’

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StockLite/Shutterstock

“The bartender does not want to date you.”


‘Put your laptop away — you’re not fooling anyone’

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wavebreakmedia/Shutterstock

“Stop trying to ‘work’ at a bar. You’re a functional alcoholic. Cram your drinking in now and your work in tomorrow.”


‘Money talks and bulls–t walks’

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REUTERS/David Loh

“Time is money and your bar stool is real estate.

“Don’t ask me to hold your seat. Did you ask with a $10 bill? If not, then the answer is ‘no.’

“And do not get annoyed when people order over you if you are sitting on a bar stool. Again, you’re on very expensive real estate. The bar is a place for transactions, not private dining.”


‘That girl will not go home with you just because you bought her a $9 shot’

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Getty Images

“Some people will buy loads of expensive shots when out in groups. They’re trying to look flash.”

But it often has the opposite effect.

“You look stupid when you order expensive shots.”


‘You’re overpaying for super expensive cocktails’

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Shutterstock

To figure out just how much you’re overpaying for your favorite fancy cocktail, check out Quartz’s handy cocktail calculator. You could be paying 400% more than the cost of the ingredients to have your drink made.


‘I’m judging you on your drink order.’

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“Scrubs”/ABC

“You can tell what type of person someone is by their drink order in specific bars.”

“If you’re in a bar with tons of other people and it’s loud and you order something complicated, you clearly don’t value people’s time. How you react to the bar being out of your ‘usual’ is also very indicative of your personality.”