- Prapasri T/Shutterstock
- A woman is angry that one of her bridesmaids bowed out of her wedding after she decided to hold it at plantation.
- The friend, who has been identified as J, sent a message to the bride explicitly stating her personal and professional reasons for feeling uncomfortable being a part of a plantation wedding.
- The bride thought her friend was being overly sensitive.
- The original Reddit post detailing the situation has since been deleted, but it has been reshared on Twitter, where it went viral.
- People have criticized the bride for being insensitive.
As wedding season continues on, so too do the controversies.
A 27-year-old woman was criticized for the way she reacted to her African American bridesmaid’s decision to drop out of her plantation wedding, as she wrote in a since-deleted Reddit post. According to the bride-to-be, “all was well,” until she announced the location to her bridal party, which is comprised of four of her “closest girlfriends,” per a screenshot of the post that was shared by redditships on Twitter, which often highlights posts from the subreddit r/relationships.
But, according to the original writer, not everyone was thrilled about her decision to host her wedding at the “incredibly beautiful plantation,” that she had “admired since I was a little girl.” The bride said two of her friends, who she identified as J and T, didn’t seem as excited.
Shortly after announcing her decision, the original poster said she received a message from J in which she withdrew from her bridal party.
My (26f) friend (25f) just dropped out of being a bridesmaid. pic.twitter.com/Nz0MD6WFnn
— relationships.txt (@redditships) September 8, 2018
“I love you a lot but I have to bow out from being a bridesmaid,” J wrote.
In her message, J said that when the bride-to-be started dating her now-fiance two years ago, they began to discuss getting married at a plantation. But from the offset, according to the now-former bridesmaid, she brought her concerns to the bride.
“I told you then that I could not be a part of a wedding that happened at a plantation. I firmly believe that all plantations should be museums that highlight the atrocious injustices towards my community,” J wrote. “We talked in great detail about exactly why I felt that way you told me that your love for me outweighed your desire to have a wedding at (plantation) and I wouldn’t have to worry about it.”
In addition to this, J said appearing at a plantation wedding could harm her career.
“To be pictured and seen at a plantation wedding could cause harm to my professional reputation and, as much as I love you, I cannot make that sacrifice,” the 25-year-old wrote.
Although J bowed out of official duties, she still offered to pay for her half of her gown, be involved in the bridal shower, and attend the bachelorette party – if the bride would have her there.
“Please know that my issues with the chosen venue do not translate to issues with you and (fiance). I love you both and I am so happy for the two you,” J wrote. “He is the answer to so many prayers that I prayed over you when it comes to who you’ll spend the rest of your life with.”
In her since-deleted post, the 27-year-old turned to Reddit for help processing J’s message.
“I remember us having that conversation but I thought she was being overly sensitive and would change her mind when the actual wedding came around,” she wrote. “And while I know her degrees are in African American studies, I find it ridiculous that her colleagues would judge her for being in my wedding.”
At the time of her post, the bride-to-be revealed that she had not responded to J’s email. She didn’t know where to start, she wrote on Reddit.
“How do I convince her that she’s being ridiculous and that what happened there was a long time ago and has no bearing on my wedding? And that any colleague who would judge her is incredibly narrow minded and shouldn’t be paid any attention to?” she asked.
On Reddit, her post gained traction. And while the original post has been scrubbed, the comments remain – and people nearly unanimously agreed that the bride was in the wrong.
Over on Twitter, many said that they found the bride’s response insensitive.
"Happened a long time ago"…the white privilege…like ppl like this exist…the fact that you dont understand why she couldnt come to the wedding is baffling https://t.co/gpmn1Eu2kh
— TxT Saving Kpop One Song At A Time (@badbye_vuyo) September 9, 2018
People are also applauding the now-former bridesmaid.
Does the bridesmaid friend who dropped out want to be my bridesmaid because she’s god damn excellent https://t.co/OXaKUH1CyA
— edamame mama (@vegetariangoth) September 9, 2018
She does not deserve a friend like this. https://t.co/eaA5dLjVzp
— Malefic Mooseplaining Max (@Mooseplainer) September 9, 2018
Friend (25f), you're doing amazing sweetie! https://t.co/EuRMPJqQmS
— Yes Yves Yes (@AdamantxYves) September 9, 2018
It doesn’t appear that the original poster has addressed the backlash.
This isn’t the first viral wedding controversy this year. Recently, a woman went viral for canceling her wedding when her guests refused to pay $1,500 a person to attend. Prior to that, a 28-year-old woman was “fired” from being a bridesmaid in a cringeworthy email.
True love, as they say, is bliss.