The Senate Intelligence Committee posted ousted FBI Director James Comey’s prepared opening remarks Wednesday afternoon ahead of his scheduled hearing on Thursday, and some Twitter users immediately started having some fun.
The seven-page document details Comey’s interactions with Donald Trump from January until the president fired him in May.
Throughout the remarks, Comey uses colorful language to describe his in-person meetings and phone calls with Trump.
First of all, here are Comey’s actual prepared remarks:
Now you can see what Twitter users turned them into:
DC’S HOTTEST READ IS THE COMEY STATEMENT pic.twitter.com/DCesWU1tg1
— Ellie Hall (@ellievhall) June 7, 2017
“he wanted loyalty but all I could promise was honesty” -james comey pic.twitter.com/dHW6rsuESQ
— Ziwe (@ziwe) June 7, 2017
Wow powerful stuff from Comey’s statement. pic.twitter.com/5ziLdO53zY
— Aaron Mehta (@AaronMehta) June 7, 2017
You just KNOW Comey typed this out on a vintage typewriter with a cigarette hanging out the side of his mouth.
— Saeed Jones (@theferocity) June 7, 2017
the part of the testimony where trump and comey kiss is weirdly sorta beautiful
— eve peyser (@evepeyser) June 7, 2017
Trump: I want a milkshake.
Comey: I can give you a banana.
Trump: That’s what I want—a banana milkshake.
— Matt Fuller (@MEPFuller) June 7, 2017
Is this real, or did did Comey accidentally cut and paste this exchange in from the script of a mob movie? pic.twitter.com/YR1QUtlMG0
— Jonathan Chait (@jonathanchait) June 7, 2017
Comey’s opening statement sounds like a Tinder horror story. pic.twitter.com/Umrjhmj0kS
— Kelly Weill (@KELLYWEILL) June 7, 2017
All right, this part of the testimony is a little weird. pic.twitter.com/r5Ys7id5E1
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) June 7, 2017
— ThugLifeSocial (@ThugLifeSocial) June 7, 2017