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- Marriage is an exciting, romantic concept, but it’s also a decision that will change the rest of your life.
- However, with some introspection, you can better determine whether or nor you are ready for marriage with your significant other.
- Here are five signs, from expert, that you shouldn’t get married to your current partner.
Although you can probably pinpoint several reasons to marry someone, reasons to not marry someone may not be as apparent. After all, it’s a big deal – one of the biggest decisions of your life – and even though you may thinkyou’re a getting-married type of person,deep down, your current lifestyle and future hopes and dreams may not agree. Plus, perhaps youdowant to get married, but your current partner is not “the one.”
In any case, statistics prove that you are not the only one who’s opting for single life versus married life.According to the U.S. Census Bureau,as of 2015, there are109 millionunmarried people18 years and older in the US – in other words, 45% of the adult population.
To help recognize the signs that you shouldn’t be getting married,Business Insider spoke topsychotherapist, relationship coach, and divorce mediator Toni Coleman:
1. You argue frequently
While someconflict between you and your significant otheris healthy, if you are arguing more than you’re not, it could be a sign you two are not well-paired for the long haul.
“Frequent fighting signals a problem with communication and compatibility,” Coleman told Business Insider. “These are essential components in any healthy, working relationship. Until and unless you can work together to address these adequately, you should not be getting married.”
2. You ignore red flags that may be potential deal-breakers
When it comes to relationships,everybody has different deal-breakers, such as not wanting to date a smoker or having to relocate for love. But if you are letting some of your key deal-breakers slide, it may cause relationship hurdles in the long run.
“Love does not conquer all,” Coleman said. “Unless you can have those hard talks before marriage and delve into concerns about any major differences that could become deal-breakers, you should not be getting married. Whatever the differences are, they will not go away after you say ‘I do’ – they will only grow stronger.”
3. You still fantasize about an ex
While you may still be friends with your ex on social media, there’s a difference between seeing them pop up in your News Feed versus obsessively going through their Facebook timeline, looking at all their pictures, and still wondering what it would be like if the two of you were still together. “When you find yourself fantasizing about a past lover, checking their social media channels, and thinking about contacting them, it’s a sign you shouldn’t get married to your current partner,” Coleman said.
She says that longing for a past love when preparing to or thinking about marrying someone else spells major doubt. “When you find that right person for you, there are no thoughts about someone else and what might have been,” she said.
4. Your sex life has waned
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If your sex life has changed and you have sex less often, it could be another indicator that you and your partner are not meant to get married.
“Physical compatibility and attraction are essential components of an intimate relationship,” Coleman said. “If your desire for one another is weak before marriage, it will only become more so afterwards – at least one of you will then be in a sexless relationship that you do not want. In turn, this helps set the stage for unhappiness and infidelity.”
5. Your intuition tells you something is not right
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When you have doubts about your relationship with your significant other, it’s important to listen to them. “Listen to your gut – if something feels off, it probably is,” Coleman said. “Couples entering marriagedo not generally have these thoughts, because they are not the same as cold feet.”
Coleman also suggests digging a little deeper and talking to your partner, as well as your family and friends to see if they have any concerns. “Sometimes, others have critical information that they don’t reveal, due to a fear they will not be listened to or believed. Plus, they don’t want to alienate you or lose the relationship they have with you. But it’s important to see what they think, too,” she said.